


Together and Apart

by Kitsilver



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Catra’s POV, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, It just took them forever to realize it, It's going to hurt before it gets better, Slow Burn, They have so much to deal with before they can be together, they never stopped loving each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:14:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24659716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsilver/pseuds/Kitsilver
Summary: We used to have those.What?Sleepovers. Me and Adora, when we were cadets in the Horde. We’d play tricks on Kyle, stay up all night whispering about…you know, whatever.*What was it that Catra and Adora whispered about long into the night?Or: Catradora moments from Catra's POV.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	1. Whispering about…you know, whatever

_We used to have those._

_What?_

_Sleepovers. Me and Adora, when we were cadets in the Horde. We’d play tricks on Kyle, stay up all night whispering about…you know, whatever._

*

What was it that Catra and Adora whispered about long into the night?

*

“Did you know,” Catra said, “there’s something to eat besides ration bars?

Adora gasped, blue eyes wide with wonder and chubby cheeks dimpled. “But I really like the gray bars.”

Catra scoffed and swatted her face, careful to keep her claws retracted, “Yea, dummy, I do too. But what if there’s something _better_ than gray bars.”

“Oooh,” they said together.

“Think we can have some one day?” Adora asked, cuddling closer to Catra. She sneezed when Catra’s hair tickled her nose, but she didn’t move away.

“Yea, why wouldn’t we?” Catra said, already nodding off in sleep. 

*

“Do you think Kyle is gonna like what we drew on his face?” Catra said one night. They lay giggling together under the blankets, facing each other, trying to stifle their laughter.

“Bunny nose!” Adora giggled. Then she quirked her head. “What’s a bunny?”

Catra shrugged. “I dunno. But the picture was funny. It looked squishy and soft, with a weird face, like Kyle.” 

Adora giggled again, then she held Catra’s face in her hands. No one ever really touched her like this, except for Shadow Weaver. And those touches never felt good. But it felt ok when Adora touched her face like this.

“You have a weird face,” Adora said with a smirk.

Catra gasped and shoved Adora. “Take that back!”

Adora laughed. “Or what?”

Catra narrowed her eyes, then dug her claws into the soft spots along Adora’s sides. Adora shrieked, laughing as she fought off her tickling attack, and they were both crying with by the time the other cadets woke up. They were disciplined of course, but it was worth it.

*

As they got older, it was made clear to them that they couldn’t sleep in the same bed anymore. That Catra had her own bed, just above Adora’s, and that’s where she should be.

But Catra didn’t care. The rules were dumb. The adults were jerks. She didn’t have to listen to them.

So she’d wait until night fell and the last of the sentries had passed their section of the barracks, then she’d peek over the side of the bed.

“Psst, Adora,” Catra hissed. “You awake?”

Sometimes Adora would groan, fling an arm over her face, and scrunch her eyes up because she really wanted to keep sleeping. But no matter how sleepy she was, she’d roll over and tuck her legs in, giving Catra enough room to drop into bed. Catra would lie next to her on cold nights, or at the foot of the bed when the nights got too warm, and she’d fall asleep to the sound of Adora breathing. Catra was always back in bed before anyone woke the next morning.

But Adora wasn’t sleepy tonight.

“Yea,” she called back, her voice soft. Catra frowned. She knew when something was wrong.

She dropped into bed and lay facing Adora. Even in the darkness, she could see that Adora’s face was scrunched up in worry. “Hey,” Catra said, drawing closer so that her face was right next to Adora’s, “what’s wrong?”

Adora shook her head. “Nothing. I mean, nothing really…”

Catra shoved her a little. “Come on, stop being an idiot. Just tell me.” Something occurred to Catra and it burned inside her in a bad way. “Was it Shadow Weaver?” Catra asked, eyes narrowed, her voice bordering on a growl. She had always hated how Shadow Weaver treated her like trash, and Adora as the best thing ever. Hated when Shadow Weaver said things like, “You’re only here because Adora cares about you.”

Well screw you, Shadow Weaver. Adora chose me. She’ll choose me over you any day.

Adora shrugged, not able to read her thoughts. “Yes?”

“Ugh.” Catra rolled her eyes so hard she thought they’d roll out of her face. She plopped down next to Adora, staring up at the bunk bed over them. 

“Don’t be like that,” Adora said, rising up on her elbow to look at her.

“Like what,” Catra said. She heard the petulant tone in her voice and really didn’t care. But Adora stayed quiet, just looking at her with worried eyes that Catra could feel without even looking at her. “Seriously, what did she say?” Catra asked, turning to face her.

Adora shrugged. “I mean, it doesn’t matter. It’s not going to happen. It’s just….” She sighed. “She said I was coming along well, that I would be ready to be Force Captain in a couple years–”

“Well what’s wrong with that?” Catra shot back. She was actually happy for her friend. Catra didn’t _want_ to be Force Captain, and Adora would be a good one. It just rankled having her be the chosen one _all_ the time. “It’s what you’ve wanted. Heck, it’s what _I_ want. When you become Force Captain, we can finally start working our way up from this dump. See the world.”

“Yea. That’s what I want,” Adora said. “But Shadow Weaver, she said something like…I’d be going alone. That I was meant for more than Kyle and Lonnie and Rogelio.” She paused, searching Catra’s face. “And you.”

Catra went still, her heart thudding in her chest. “What?” Then her claws raked the sheets and her hackles rose.

_That bitch._

“You told her that was bullshit, right?” Catra said. She was furious that Shadow Weaver would– no take that back, of course she believed it, because Shadow Weaver had told her all her life that she wasn’t enough good enough for Adora. But the thought that she would actually try to tear them apart? No way!

“Catra,” Adora said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Of course, I told her. I’m not going anywhere with you.”

Catra huffed, her fur still standing on end but not bristling as much. “Damn right. What would you even do without me?” Then she pushed Adora hard, hard enough that she lost her balance and fell off the bed with a loud _oof_. “Why didn’t you say that sooner?”

From her position on the floor, Adora gave a familiar smirk. “Aww, were you worried about me?

“Ugh.” Catra said with as much disgust as possible. “ _Not even_.”

Laughing, Adora jumped back on the bed and tackled Catra. “Admit it! You _were_ worried about me.”

“Stop it, you idiot!” Catra said, trying not to laugh, her fury forgotten. Adora had her straddled and was trying to trap her hands. Catra trapped hers instead, lifting her hips and rolling so that she was on top of Adora. Adora was still laughing, smiling that stupid, dopey grin of hers. And Catra felt something she never really felt in this cold, dark place.

She felt warm.

Seeing Adora smile at her like that, knowing she was right there with her, made her feel warm.

And something else. For just a moment, it felt like heart skipped a beat, and it was almost hard to breath. Adora’s laughter faded away, but she still looked at Catra with this soft smile. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world for Catra to take Adora’s hands, which she had been keeping trapped, and twined them with her own. Adora bit her lip, and Catra would swear she was blushing, and that would be _so_ embarrassing for her -- except Catra felt heat on her cheeks too.

She did not want to deal with that. So, she leaned forward until their faces were inches apart and said, “You’re such a dummy. If we woke up the rest of the barracks, it would have been your fault.” But the bite in her voice wasn’t there.

Adora let her get away with it though. She laughed quietly, sounding a little breathless, but she whispered, “It would have been your fault. You started it, remember?” 

Catra rolled her eyes and rolled off Adora. She didn’t let go of her hand though. “Yea, well,” Catra said, running her fingers along the palm of Adora’s hand. “Totally your fault that I pushed you.”

“Whatever, Catra.”

They lay there for a while, not saying anything, not really doing anything. But just before she fell asleep, Catra asked one more thing.

“You wouldn’t leave without me, right? Even if Shadow Weaver told you to?”

“I wouldn’t leave without you, Catra.”

*

There were more nights like that. Nights where they stayed up way too late, making them sleepy and dark eyed the next day. Adora would still do Adora things, even on too little sleep, and Catra would roll her eyes and do just enough to keep up.

They talked about everything, all that they wanted to do when they were finally able to see the world beyond the Fright Zone. What did everything look like? What did all that food taste like? And were all those stories about the princesses real, including the haunted ones? Whatever the world would throw at them, they would conquer it together.

They didn’t talk about the thing they felt that night, or how it felt when their hands touched. Catra didn’t see the point. She and Adora would always be together. They could figure that part out later.

But then Adora left.

And Catra was alone.

With nothing to fill the space and the coldness of an empty bed. With no one to talk to late at night when everyone else had gone to sleep and the silence was deafening.

Adora said she wouldn’t leave without her.

Adora _lied._

She chose someone else. 

Catra took that feeling, that thing they never talked about, and shoved it deep down. Locked it in a box and threw away the key.

She was going to be fine. _Better_ than fine. She’d show them.

She’d show all of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be fluffy. Then it became...angsty. So it can't end here. Hope you liked it! See you in the comments.


	2. I promise

_Why did you help me escape after Shadow Weaver captured us? It’s the one thing I can’t figure out._

_You really think I’d let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?_

_I don’t know. Maybe._

*

If Catra were being honest, she wasn’t sure why she helped Adora escape.

Getting her into the Fright Zone was what she’d wanted all along, wasn’t it? Go for the heart, that’s how you get Adora. She’d captured Sparkles and Bow Boy because she knew that Adora would come for them, and she did. So predictable.

Then why did she let her escape?

It just made her feel weird thinking that Shadow Weaver was going to wipe Adora’s mind, erase all memory of She-Ra and the rebellion. Normally she’d be fine with that idea – but what if Shadow Weaver made a mistake? What if she erased not just memories of the rebellion, but of what came before?

What if Shadow Weaver erased memories of her? Of their time in the Horde. What if Adora forgot…everything?

That made the empty feeling inside her, that thing that had been gnawing on her since Adora left, feel even worse than before.

But she’d never say that to Adora. Catra scowled at her, tail lashing. “Well it’s not because I like you,” she snapped.

It would have made for a grand exit, except they _were_ still stuck in this creepy crystal palace with a bunch of robo-spiders trying to eat her and weird hallways that never ended.

That kept showing her memories she would rather have forgotten.

*

Her younger self was _cute._ She wasn’t cute anymore, of course, she was a badass Force Captain now. But really, who could resist her younger self’s lovable face? And that great mane, at such a young age.

And Adora…

Catra found herself smiling at the memory despite herself, but only when real Adora wasn’t looking.

Adora back then was pretty cute too. That gap in her teeth, Catra remembered how she got it. They had been playing, swinging on some cables when the one that Adora had been holding snapped. They were pretty high and Adora, not being a cat, landed right on her face. Catra remembered being really worried when she’d landed next to her friend and saw her crying, big blue eyes welling with tears, blood on her lip…and what definitely looked like a broken tooth on the ground next to her.

Eww.

Catra hadn’t been used to the sight of blood then, so it did kind of freak her out. But she was already good at making up stuff even then.

“It’s ok!” young Catra said, putting her hands on young Adora’s shoulders. “It’s fine! I think those are…um…baby teeth! And they’ll…grow back.”

Adora quirked her head, curious, and her crying stopped. “Baby teeth? What are… baby teeth?”

Catra shrugged. “I don’t know. But they’re a thing, and they grow back, and…umm…you’re a baby, so they must be baby teeth. So, they’ll grow back.”

Adora shoved her hard, laughing, her broken tooth forgotten. “I am not a baby! I’m older than you!”

“Hah!” Catra tackled Adora. “Who just fell on her face? You’re definitely a baby!”

…those were good memories.

*

_It wasn’t all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have good memories, right?_

Catra hated how her voice sounded when she asked. It sounded…like something she would rather not name.

But Adora looked at her with this soft look in her eyes, that smile on her face that told Catra she was reading more than what Catra had meant to say. “Of course, I do.” She hesitated then said, “Most of my good memories are with you.”

Catra scoffed and turned away, shoving down that warm feeling that was threatening to come out of its box.

“Catra, wait.” Adora reached out and grabbed her hand. Catra froze, except for her tail that couldn’t seem to decide if it wanted to reach for Adora or pull away. “You know I missed you, right?”

Catra looked at her, scowling, tail flicking. “Not enough to come back.” 

“Catra,” Adora shook her head. “You know why I couldn’t go back.”

“Oh, back to your best friend? Back to the people you grew up with? Back to the future that you wanted for so long?” Catra could feel her hackles rising. “Oh, do tell me, Adora, why you couldn’t come back.”

“Because the Horde is evil!” Adora burst out. “It hurts people, Catra.”

Ugh. Catra rolled her eyes and yanked her hand away. “So? It’s been hurting us since we were kids. Didn’t bother you then.”

“Catra…”

“Will you… _stop_ saying my namelike that?”

“Like what?” Adora honestly looked confused and it frustrated Catra even more.

“Like…you think it’s gonna make me understand you better. I don’t, Adora. I still don’t get why you left. You worked all your life to get to Force Captain, and the second you get it, you _leave?_ ”

“Innocent civilians, Ca-“ Adora visibly had to bite down, glaring at her with gritted teeth and clenched fists. “Why is that so hard to understand?”

Catra scoffed, starting to walk away. But she paused and looked back for just a moment.

“I still don’t get why they mattered more than me.”

Adora’s eyes widened and her face fell. Catra thought she reached for her, but she turned away before Adora could do or say something else.

*

Catra hated this memory. Too bad it seemed to be carved into her brain, easily recalled even without First Ones tech.

_I will not allow you to drag down Adora as well._

Because it was always about Adora.

Adora. Adora. Adora.

_You have never been more than a nuisance to me._

Yea, that was true.

_I’ve kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you. But if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself._

Because that’s exactly what you say to a kid.

If you want to fuck them up.

To Catra’s horror, tears were actually coming down her face after that memory. She wiped them away. “Fuck!” she said. “Fucking Shadow Weaver.”

“Catra…” It was the sympathy – pity? – in her voice that just set Catra off.

“No,” Catra said, glaring at Adora. “You don’t get to sound like that. You were always her favorite.”

“I didn’t ask for that!”

“Yea, well you still benefited from it.”

Adora stomped her foot. “How exactly was that my fault? I tried to protect you.”

Catra rolled her eyes. “Please. Protect me? How?”

Adora rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. They faced each other with identical expressions. “You. Are. _Impossible.”_

“No, really, I want to know.” Catra was not going to let this go. “When did you ever choose me over Shadow Weaver, do something to protect me that would also put you on her bad side?”

Adora shrugged, eyes wide and incredulous. “How exactly was I supposed to prove myself to you? You were my best friend.” She met Catra’s eyes as if pleading with her to understand. “You have _always_ been my best friend,” she said fervently. “I never wanted to leave you. You know that… don’t you?”

Catra took a long time to answer. “You still left.”

Adora sighed, then stepped toward Catra and took her hands. Catra jumped a little at the touch, staring at Adora, wanting to break away and wanting to stay. Adora seemed to be careful about how hard she was holding her, using a light grip that said, you can leave whenever you want. 

Adora took a deep breath. “I’m sorry for leaving you. Really, I am.” Catra didn’t know what she wanted Adora to say, but for a moment her heart lifted – only to have it squashed again. “But I can’t go back to the Horde, not after seeing what they’ve done. You can come with me,” Adora said earnestly. “I know you’re not a bad person. You don’t belong in the Horde.”

Ugh. Sometimes Adora knew exactly what _not_ to say.

Catra lifted her hands out of Adora’s grip. She could tell that Adora saw it for the rejection that it was. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the hurt on Adora’s face.

“You really don’t get it, do you? I don’t want to leave the Horde.”

*

It was one of the good memories that broke Catra, in the end.

_It doesn’t matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other._

Tears were coming down Catra’s cheeks. Adora was somewhere else, so she didn’t bother wiping them.

_You promise?_

_I promise._

Catra was on her knees, arms wrapped around herself, as those words echoed over and over in her mind, the broken shards of what had been a good memory tearing open her heart.

*

When Catra got up, she wasn’t crying anymore. She wasn’t conflicted anymore.

Adora never really cared, not if she could leave so easily over a big sword and some sparkly princess.

There was no good or evil, not in her world. There were people like Shadow Weaver who would lie and twist and manipulate you so that you would do what she wanted. There was the person who Catra used to be, who let herself be manipulated and used. She wouldn’t be that person anymore.

You hurt someone, or they hurt you. You had power, or someone else had power over you.

Trust was just the thing that someone used to stab you.

_You look out for me, I look out for you._

Catra’s lips twisted in a sneer. Such a lie.

*

_It all makes sense now. You’ve always been the one holding me back. You wanted me to think I needed you. You wanted me to feel weak. Every hero needs a sidekick._

_Catra, no, that’s not how it was!_

Catra, laughed, a mocking laugh, as she knelt at the edge of the abyss. _You leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so much stronger than you ever thought. What would I have been if I’d gotten rid of you sooner?_

 _I’m sorry._ Look at her dumb face. She actually looked sad. _I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don’t do this._

_Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you._

Catra threw the sword into the crevice and walked away. She thought she heard Adora say her name one last time, and then, silence.

*

_You promise?_

_I promise._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s notes: This episode gave me so many feels. I wanted to know what Catra was thinking and feeling behind it all. I hope this fic made you feel something to. Thank you for reading, and would love a comment if you had one!


End file.
